Kerri recently joined CFN as a Peer Support Specialist, using her lived experience of alcohol addiction and recovery to support citizens who are going through similar experiences. In this blog, she shares some of her recovery journey and what motivates her every day.



Five years ago, on 7th August, I finally surrendered and admitted to myself that I was an alcoholic and needed help. I absolutely detested myself, what I had become, and what I was doing to those who loved me.

From the age of 15, alcohol became the focus of my life. Family, friends, job prospects, and any interests I had all came nowhere close. At first, I genuinely believed I was just doing what everyone my age was doing. The thing is they all grew up, progressed in their careers, got married, and started families while I continued a path of self-destruction.

Looking back now I can see right from that first drink; I was different, and alcohol had me in its grips. I always thought people became an alcoholic because of trauma in their life or because they were brought up by alcoholic parents. I now know this not to always be the case. I have an extremely loving and supportive family; my childhood was great. I personally now believe I was born an alcoholic.

I always felt different as a child, never good enough, always anxious, catastrophising everything. I just did not feel how I thought everyone else felt. I dressed different and dyed my hair with bright colours to fake a confidence, really, I was full of fear. When I took that first drink on New Year's Eve 1995 it felt like I had found what had been missing in my life. From that moment on I was obsessed and so my drinking career began as I continued for years to chase that feeling of ease and comfort.

I won’t go into all the gory details of the 23 years in which I drank. All I will say is I drank to numb life, to not face any emotions and feelings whether they be good or bad, and the abnormal became my normal. Over the years, the consumption and consequences got progressively worse.

There was always another Kerri inside of me screaming to get out but until I put the drink down, I was trapped. Finally, when I spoke the words “I’m an alcoholic”, my recovery journey could begin.

Once the fog began to clear I was able to begin working on myself and learning how to live. I felt like that 15-year-old girl had been stunted emotionally by alcohol and I knew nothing.

Alcohol had consumed me, made me selfish and so unaware of how to live everyday life. I had spent the last 23 years running from myself and any responsibility. I had so many regrets and relationships I needed to rebuild. I made amends to the people who love me and importantly I made amends and began to forgive myself.

Thanks to a great support system and a lot of work one day at a time, I have not had to take another drink or drug since and my life continues to get better and better. Recovery can be really hard at times, but I’d choose this hard over the hard existence of addiction any day. My family and friends no longer need to worry about me, they have their peace of mind back.

When I first got sober, I was so angry at myself for letting so much life pass me by, I was worried that due to having no little family of my own I would have no purpose and sometimes wondered what is the point? Little did I know my years of hell and then how I had recovered would become my greatest asset and lead me to a job with Changing Futures. Being able to use my lived experience daily to help others is the job of my dreams. I have been in the role now for 3 months and have never felt so alive.

I am so proud to be an alcoholic in recovery. I am so grateful every morning when I wake up to have been given this second chance at life.

We can recover.